Watch out for that beam!
Ok….let us continue through this great new devotional book, “Called to Love: Experiencing Your Best Marriage Through the Words of Jesus”
In Day 11, author Alisa DiLorenzo talks about the speck and the plank. Wow, how true this is! I’m such a speck inspector! As I read Alisa’s words and began to view the words of Christ through the lens of marriage this scripture unfolded for me in different way. In case you aren’t familiar with it…
“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me remove the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck that is in your brother’s eye.”
Luke 6:41-42
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I guess I always pictured those cartoon characters (similar to something you’d see on the old Popeye cartoons) where one of them has a tiny splinter in his eye while the other one, who is “trying to help,” has a big metal construction beam sticking out of his. Every time he turns his head he clears out the room. Silly, I know, but sometimes if we never stop and really pay attention to what we’re thinking as we read scripture we may not realize that we’re kind of missing what Jesus was trying to say.
I always understood the main point of this passage – that I needed to deal with my own problems and leave others alone. Although, this is definitely not one of my strengths! But I guess in the back of my mind I always thought, “Well, OK, but what if they’re the ones with the plank and mine is just a speck?” Yup, I have to fight off pride an awful lot! It’s a weakness of which I am well aware. I’m always trying to justify and defend myself…poor Tim! Anyway, back to the point…
So, as I read through Day 11 I began to realize that, regardless of whether my issue is “bigger” than my husband’s issue, the fact is mine is a lot closer, so it will appear bigger and cause me a lot more trouble. Think about it. If you both have a speck in your eye which one is going to cause you the most difficulty seeing clearly? The one in your spouse’s eye or the one in your own?
Alisa put it this way, “Jesus never told us to fix other people. He told us to care for them, he told us to be responsible for them but not to fix them. Our responsibility is to work on ourselves, create an environment for change and allow Jesus to work on them. Often we look at this in reverse: Jesus, fix my spouse and then I will be all better. It doesn’t work that way.” She goes on to say, “When you choose, and yes, it is a choice, to remove the plank from your own eye first, you create an environment for Jesus to be seen in your marriage. Your spouse is more likely to see Jesus in the transformation in your life rather than when you try to change him or her.”
Just like Jesus said, until I take care of this big, huge thing in my own life/heart I cannot clearly see to help my spouse. Note: He said help, not just point out, not complain about, and not say, “Hey, you should really do something about that.” No, Christ is saying I should deal with my own stuff and then gently help my spouse. And may I go so far as to say my actions would most likely prove much more helpful than my words? Geez! I’m stepping all over my own toes with this one!
And here’s a side-note about love and respect… another great book by the way…I don’t know about your husband, but one of the things that will set Tim off quicker than anything else is when I critique or correct him. If I come to him lovingly and make a suggestion or bring up a topic in the proper way, he’s okay with that, but if I am constantly correcting him, interrupting him, stopping him, challenging him, that….which, let’s face it, is definitely a signal of a lack of respect…that will set him off quicker than just about anything else.
So, as you were reading this, anything come to mind that may be keeping you from seeing clearly in your marriage? Is it possible that beam in your eye is making you so uncomfortable that you are snapping at every little speck your spouse has? Just a thought….
I challenge you to take some time this week to get alone with the Lord, and maybe instead of praying for God to fix your spouse, how about humbly asking Him to show you anything that you may need to change? As you humble yourself before the Lord and seek Him in your marriage, even if the change needs to start with you, you will create a safe environment for real progress to begin.
If you haven’t already, I hope you will grab your own copy of “Called to Love.” You’ll be glad you did!
See all my posts in the “Called to Love” book review series…
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