Are Your Kids Tuning You Out? Pickles and Peanut Butter Could Be the Answer!

I am not a woman of few words. And my parenting is often no exception to this.

The Bible clearly tells us, too many words can be a real problem. (See Ecclesiastes 5:3) And when it comes to parenting too many words aimed towards an elementary school mind can take my attempts at wisdom and powerful Biblical advice meant to encourage and inspire and quickly turn them into little more than the sound of the teacher on Charlie Brown… “Wha, wha, wha …”

For this reason here is a practical parenting tip for those parents like me who can’t seem to wrap it up.

Too Many Mommy Sermons

Mikaela has spent many seasons on the softball field. Tim and I have helped coach in one capacity or another for the duration. Sometimes I’ve been team mom, sometimes assistant coach, but the title I think best describes me is “crazy woman in the dugout.” That being said this crazy woman couldn’t always keep herself in the actual dugout and often times could be found out on the field itself. As it turns out, I had a lot to say. (Insert shocked face here.)

I wanted so much to encourage my beautiful daughter. I wanted to see her grow in character. (See my post Using Sports to Shape Godly Character: 5 Highly Effective Tips for Coaching Your Kids On and Off the Field)

I wanted to see her grow in ability. I wanted to see her believe in herself. I wanted to see her do her best. I wanted to make sure she stayed coachable. I wanted to ensure she kept her head in the game and her eye on the ball while at the plate and in every aspect of her life. Above all, she must honor the Lord and show good sportsmanship, on and off the field. There should be something different about her that would allow her team and the other team to see Christ in her.

I could go on… And believe me I did. Pretty much every time she went out onto the field, which means four at bats and four times in the field totaling eight times per game, times 2-3 games per week. Oh don’t forget practices.

Yes, this could get exhausting. No wonder I was so worn out after every game!

As Mikaela grew older my continual pep talks, maybe they were more like baseline sermons, became exhausting and slightly embarrassing to her as well. That, along with my still not being able to break the habit of calling her “sissy” even when she was at bat.

Choose a Word

Here’s the point… One day I finally admitted that her frustration with my continual dialogue wasn’t wholly unfounded. For this reason she and I decided to pick a word I could say when she was out there.

When she heard that word she would know I was saying, “Do your best. Give it your all. Have fun. Focus. Let your light shine.” And all the other stuff…

So I let her choose her word. And what did she choose? Peanut butter!

I have no idea why. I think she was just being goofy, but that became our word. And now every time she steps up to the plate, on the field and in life, all I have to say is “peanut butter.” And when she hears that code word, even if she’s in a rotten mood, a smile tugs on the edges of her mouth. And in her heart she instantly knows what it means.

This has been great not only for her performance, but also for our relationship!

Crazy Boy

Holden and I also have a word. He is a six (almost 7) year-old boy, and let’s face it. Half the time he’s just plain crazy! He’s extremely extroverted and has life aspirations that include being a chef and a comedian. He is the most loving compassionate kid you’ll ever meet, but man is the world ever his stage!

For this reason there are many times I find myself going through a continual speech with him which includes, “Calm down. Straighten up. Listen. Focus. Do your best. Look at my eyes. Chill out. Make wise decisions. Make your own decisions. Think before you act.” And so on.

This all became a bit much for trying to get him to fall in line in the middle of a store or while I’m trying to have a conversation with a fellow adult.

Since Mikaela had already chosen a word, Holden wanted to choose a word too, so he didn’t have to hear me talk all the time either.

The word he chose? Pickles! Again, totally weird, but it definitely gets the job done.

Now if we are out and about and he is dancing and goofing off. Being too loud and bumping into things. And I want to pull my hair out. Instead of launching into a mama-sized filibuster of all the ways he needs to pull it together, I can just say “pickles.” And he instantly knows he’s gone too far and needs to reign it in.

What’s Your Word?

This is a silly tip, but it has really made a big impact for us. It helps me stay clam (most of the time). And it is helping my kids to not completely tune out the sound of my voice!

If you are a parent-of-many-words, encouraging and inspiring though those words may be, I challenge you. Keep in mind that our kids can only take in so much and only focus for so long.

What do you find yourself most often having to say to them or remind them of? What’s your go-to speech?

Go on, let them pick a code word. Be sure they know what that code word is meant to remind them of. Yes, you get to give that speech one more time! Then the next time you feel that speech welling up inside of you take a deep breath and say, “pickles.”