Crying in the Dollar Tree!

Well, we are off to a great start! Both kiddos have been in school for over a week and none of us had had any tears…until today! I have been nothing but excited for both of them because they have both been so ready. While Holden is only going 3 half days a week, it is just what he needs to start gaining his independence. And while Mikaela insists on growing up at warp speed, she is flourishing and loving school. Everyone has done so well, including mommy, until today!

Now, in my defense, I have a nasty cold, and I only slept about 2 hours last night; however, I just found myself crying in the Dollar Tree! My baby girl will turn 6 years old on Wednesday! I ran in the store for a few things and saw the card section. Then I got the idea to put a card in her lunch box. As I began looking through the cards, I was thinking of what I would write in it. I was picturing my little girl, so grown up, opening her lunch box at school and reading her birthday card, where I will undoubtedly gush with how much we love her and how proud we are of her. At that minute, without warning, I begin to cry in the Dollar Tree.

I have been so blessed to be a stay at home mom these past 6 years, but my personality does not do well without true structure. And let’s face it, despite our greatest efforts, life with babies and toddlers rarely lends itself to any type of predictable schedule. So I have been relishing in the semblance of structure coming back into my life and our home. We have to get up at a certain time. We have to get out the door at a certain time. I have places to be and times to be there. I’m finding myself a little more energized and productive. But if I sit still for too long I begin to realize my babies aren’t needing me like they used to. But I was warned about this season by a very dear friend once. A precious woman about the age of my own mother. She told me one day years ago, when my kids were still in diapers, “You think they need you now, and they do need you for survival, but once they hit the school years they are going to need you like never before. Don’t think for a second that once they’re in school you can run off and “get back to your life.” In truth, a crucial part of your job will just be beginning. When they come home from school in the afternoons, tired and bored, it is in those hours when they will need you, your wisdom, your guidance, and your supervision like never before.” Such wise words that I have taken to heart.

While I am embracing this new season I do not see it as if part of my job is finished, rather my position is evolving from “Mommy, do this. Mommy, do that.” into, “Mom, are you here and are you listening?” Thankfully we get to ease into this transition, but nonetheless I am now going back to the Lord, as I have so many times before, asking, “Now what? Show me, God how to be the mom that they need right now, right where they are in their lives. How do I listen, and how do I speak? How do I teach, and how do I lead? How do I help? How do I hold? And when and how do I let go?”

I hope that you will often reevaluate your situation as “mom.” It is never really done. Rather, you are always adapting. And our God, who is the same yesterday, today, and forever, is ready, willing and able to give you exactly what you need, making you fully equipped to be the mom you have to be today, tomorrow, and for the rest of the years to come.