To volunteer or not to volunteer? – Avoiding Mommy Burn-out This School Year
Well, here we are… for many of us around the country this is our last full week of summer vacation! Is it just me, or does it go faster every year? So I want to let you know where my head is right now. As we gear up for another school year and another sports season, I am being prayerfully cautious to be involved where I should without taking on more than I can do and do peacefully.
In 1 Peter 5:8 (AMPC) we are told to be well balanced. Last year admittedly, I got out of balance. As a stay at home mom it is easy to feel pressured to take on every volunteer role there is. After all, isn’t that why we made the decision for me to be home, so that I could be involved and engaged? And while I think the distinction between “stay at home mom” and
“working mom” is absolute foolishness because I work harder now than I ever did in my corporate job, there does seem to be this pressure or guilt on the shoulders of those of us who don’t work outside of the home, feeling that, “Well, of course I should take on all these responsibilities. My schedule is “flexible.’”
Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely loved being team parent, room mom, the PTO VP, and a host of other titles. I like being engaged with the kids, involved with the schools and in the trenches with the sports teams, but the fact is it can become too much if you are not prayerfully considering what the Lord would have you do.
When all of my roles ended at the end of last school year the Lord brought me to this verse in Proverbs 31.
“She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard. [S. of Sol. 8:12.]” Proverbs 31:16 AMPC
(emphasis mine)
(emphasis mine)
Case in point for why I love the Amplified Bible! I had read this verse 1 million times but never had it jumped out to me like it did this time. This was my problem. I was burnt out, and instead of enjoying the roles I had taken on I was resenting them. There are certain things we have to do, certain things we need to do, certain things we are called to do – and the things the Lord lays on each of our hearts are not the same. Whereas I may feel very strongly that being room mom for my daughter’s class is a great way for me to stay engaged with what she’s going through and what her friends are talking about these days, you may feel that volunteering in the front office to help relieve some of the administrative stress of the school staff and using your natural gifting for organization and love for such tasks is one of your greatest areas of contribution. Think of it this way, when you accept a role in which you only half heartedly feel engaged you could be taking a role from someone with the gifts and talents to really take that role to the next level.
Also, never forget when you say yes to one thing you’re saying no to something else. There is always a trade-off. As author, speaker, and leadership expert John Maxwell often says, ask yourself, “What can only I do?” Only I can create the home I desire for my family and be the wife and mom I need to be. But chances are there are probably a dozen other people who will do just as well as I would at being PTO president, if not even better. If I am committed to so many things that my husband comes home to a frazzle wife, my kids get a stressed-out mom, and dinner is whatever we can find in the fridge for the third night in a row, then my number one area is being neglected for the sake of keeping people I don’t even know that well happy and pleased with me.
Make a list. What are your top priorities? What are the things you cannot trade? The obligations that are yours and yours alone? If you cannot do them all and still maintain peace in your heart and in your home something is out of balance. Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty… freedom from bondage. (2 Corinthians 3:17) So my question for you is this…Do you feel free? Or do you feel bound?
Here is an example of a very quick pie chart I did with guesstimations of my obligations (that I can remember) as they stand right now prior to signing up for any volunteer stuff at school for this year. (Time usage for a month based on 720 hours a month (24hs/day 30days/mo.)….don’t forget to include sleeping!) This is not an exact science, but boy is it eye-opening!
Even without any school-volunteer commitments yet, I’m left with only 4 hours a week of margin time….only half an hour a day to walk around too tired to think straight, to wander the house looking for my phone…while talking on it!
Volunteer by all means, but do not spread yourself too thin. Take these last few days of summer break to truly evaluate what is already on your plate and how much room you have for anything else.
Be wary of stretching yourself and pushing past your limits of sanity in an attempt to be all things to all people while in effect neglecting the ones God has entrusted to your care. Many people can be room mom, team parent, PTO president and Sunday school teacher, but only you can be your kids’ mom and your husband’s wife!
