A Word on Discipline: How to distinguish between “foolishness” and “childishness.”

How do you know? Ever witnessed your little bundle of joy make a less than stellar decision that stops you in your tracks, and makes you ask yourself, “Should I punish that?” Boy, have I been there! Especially when my kids were younger. In fact, during the toddler years I frequently found myself just staring at them blankly and saying…“I really don’t know what to do with that. On the one hand, that was a terrible choice. And quite frankly, it really embarrassed me in front of all the moms in the checkout line. On the other hand, she’s three! Is that part of being three and an area to extend grace, or do I need to jump on this before it becomes a larger problem, and the foolishness bound up in her heart begins to wreak havoc on our home and destroy her future!” Okay, that may be a bit dramatic, but you get where I’m coming from.

Did she seriously just do that?

I remember well the Lord speaking to my desperate, exhausted mommy heart as I pushed my then 1 and 3-year-old across the hot blacktop with a cart full of groceries. Staring with dumbfounded wonder at my adorable, curly haired girl who was, at that moment, making me want to pull every last one of my own blond locks right out of my head!

It was 2013. Tim and I had recently taken a wonderful parenting class at our church. The point was made that, when it comes to disciplining your young children, you must first determine whether the offense falls under foolishness or childishness. Foolishness, being a definite sin that requires immediate and firm correction. Childishness, being an action that springs from the immaturity of their little minds and hearts which, while possibly inappropriate, really is just a simple lesson they have yet to grasp and need to be gently instructed on. Could be classified as “silly.” (I guess in a sense you could say disobedience vs. silliness.)

I know there is always a cloud of debate surrounding words like punishment, discipline and correction. For our purposes “correction” is the giving of guidance and a change in direction (teaching the proper way). “Discipline” is the handing out of a consequence to make clear that the action/choice was not acceptable.

During those years when my kiddos were both under 5, I often found myself struggling with distinguishing between foolishness and childishness. I was concerned I may be missing some opportunities for foundational, Biblical correction so important in shaping their young lives.

Now, let me first say that I LOVE my babies. Being Mommy is the greatest privilege I’ve ever had. That being said, I’m not what you would call a “Kid Person.” I’m going to assume I am not alone in this.

I’ve never been one to gravitate toward kids. Heck, I was more likely to run the other way! I always knew I wanted my own, but never had the urge to be around someone else’s. So obviously I am not called to children’s ministry! Praise God there are those with that gifting who are making a powerful impact on our world’s future. All this being said, I have a very low tolerance for “childishness,” so what may be a simple childish act could easily hit me as a much greater offense than it really is. For this reason I have struggled with the distinction.

So to get to the point. I have spent much time talking with Tim and praying about this issue. On the day I mentioned above, I was walking through the grocery parking lot, and the Lord gave me what I think is a great parenting tip:

Was the action in line with God’s desire for how we live our lives? Did the action show love as Christ has commanded us to do? If the answer is “no,” and if this is a principle your child already knows, then I would say, yes, discipline is called for.

Please note the part about your child already knowing the Biblical principle in play. A child cannot obey a rule they’ve never been taught, regardless of how obvious we think it should be!

“Don’t put the toy in the toilet.”

“Don’t eat the dog’s food.”

“Don’t put your hands in your dirty diaper.”

You get my point.

Draw your lines

However, if an action unquestionably goes against a line you have clearly drawn then, yes, discipline is in order. But when you find yourself in that moment of limbo, I encourage you to first ask yourself, “Have we covered this?” And be sure to give your kids credit. They know when they cross set boundaries a lot more than you may think they do.

I taught Mikaela and Holden from an early age (18-24 mos) that Jesus wants us to love everybody. I’ve added to that as they have matured. Now they also know we are to treat others the way we want to be treated, and we show God we love Him by obeying Him and obeying our parents (and others in authority).

If an action is out of line with these precepts they understand it is disobedience, and disobedience calls for discipline. Follow me?

I sincerely hope what the Lord showed me has given you something good to think about as you continue on with your highest calling…raising powerful men and women of God!

   

I’d be honored if you’d share this with the awesome mamas in your life. And I’d love to have you join our growing community of women discovering practical ways to apply the power of God’s Word to our everyday stuff!