Purpose in Pain: Entering the Trial (Part 1)
February 22, 2011
At 8:47 a.m. I sent this message out to those on my daily scripture memorizing email.
“ ‘Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:38-39
Maybe it’s not as difficult as we think… Focus on making these two your most important goals today, and see if the other things don’t start falling into place much better. Everything may not go perfectly, but I am confident that the change in your perspective will make a huge difference in both how you handle obstacles and how they affect you.”
WOW! I had no idea that in less than an hour I would be put to the test to hold to my faith and perspective as never before.
At 9:30 a.m. I had a regular check up with my doctor. At 10 and a half weeks pregnant, all of our friends and family had been learning of the exciting news over the previous weeks that Tim and I were expecting our second baby, due just a few weeks after Mikaela’s 2nd birthday. There was no use trying to hide it, as the second time around things go faster and, in addition to being sick, I had already been using the “rubber band on the pants” trick for three weeks!
After hugs and congratulations were shared between my doctor and I, and we had discussed any questions, we were ready to get out the Doppler to hear the heartbeat for the first time. As she began to rub the wand around on my greased up, bulging belly, I waited anxiously to hear the words, “There he is!” Nothing…two more minutes…nothing…another couple of minutes…still nothing. I was shifting nervously and began to use deep breathes both to calm myself and to hold at bay any yet unfounded fears that were tugging at my mind. I knew God was in control, and I told Him as much as, finally admitting defeat, the doctor said the baby was likely hiding behind my bone and she just couldn’t get to him. She had the nurse call and have me scheduled for an ultrasound.
Leaving the office and walking across the parking lot, I was offering up prayers to God reassuring Him, and perhaps more so myself, that I was fully trusting in Him, that I knew all things were in His hands and that He was with us. Before I reached the car I called Tim to let him know what was going on.
Side note: I thank God for a husband who has his priorities straight. He is a hard worker but firmly believes that family comes before work and God comes before all. It is because of his integrity and willingness to live this out that in the past eight years I have never had to face anything alone.
Without hesitation, after reassuring me that he knew everything was fine, Tim left his office and met me at home in time to get in the car together and head to the imaging center. (We were further blessed that, in God’s providence, Tim’s mom was down for a visit and was able to stay with Mikaela.)
Lesson #1: Before heading out for the ultrasound, I gathered my beautiful 18 month old daughter in my arms, as hard as that was since she NEVER stopped moving. She was all smiles, kisses and giggles. She had no idea that something might be wrong. She remained this way throughout the entire ordeal. She was trusting, and innocent, and showed no signs of fear. All she knew was that Mommy and Daddy were there and that, even though they may be sad, everything was going to be fine.
In Matthew 11:25 Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.” And in Matthew 19:14 He said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Our children have so much to teach us!
We’ll pick up form here on the next post. Stay tuned!
