Obvious Issues: Are You Seeing Clearly in Your Marriage

I am such a speck inspector! And unfortunately, (especially for Tim) my marriage is often not exempt from my expertise.

You know what I’m talking about, right? The passage in Luke about the beam and the speck?

Jesus says, “And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me remove the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck that is in your brother’s eye.” Luke 6:41-42

Yep, I’m a speck inspector.

Did You See What He Did?

I seem to have an uncanny ability to see around or even straight through the beam in my eye to help Tim identify the speck in his. Praise God, I’m not a bad as I used to be, but no doubt, I still have plenty of work to do.

I was introduced to this passage of scripture very early in life, having practically been born in the pew of a Southern Baptist church. But one day a couple years ago, while reading through the devotional book,, “Called to Love: Experiencing Your Best Marriage Through the Words of Jesus” by  Alisa DiLorenzo (marriage coach, author and co-host of the One Extraordinary Marriage podcast) I began to view these words of Christ through the lens of marriage. As I did, this scripture unfolded for me in an entirely different way.

Watch Out For That Beam!

I guess I always pictured a couple of cartoon characters (similar to something you’d see on the old Popeye cartoons). One of them has a tiny splinter in his eye while the other one,who is “trying to help,” has a big metal construction beam sticking out of his. Every time he turns his head he clears out the room.Silly, I know, but sometimes if we never stop and really pay attention to what we’re thinking as we read Scripture we may not realize that we’re kind of missing what Jesus was trying to say.

I always understood the main point of this passage – I need to deal with my own problems and leave others alone.Although, this is definitely not one of my strengths! But I guess in the back of my mind I always thought, “Well, OK, but what if they’re the ones with the plank and mine is just a speck?” Yup, I have to fight off pride an awful lot! It’s a weakness of which I am well aware. I’m always trying to justify and defend myself…poor Tim! Anyway, back to the point…

So, as I read through Day 11’s devotion I began to realize that, regardless of whether my issue is “worse” than my husband’s issue, the fact is mine is a lot closer, and is therefore more likely to cause me the most trouble.

Think about it. If you both have a speck in your eye which one is going to cause you the most difficulty seeing? The one in your spouse’s eye or the one in your own?

Alisa put it this way, “Jesus never told us to fix other people. He told us to care for them, he told us to be responsible for them but not to fix them. Our responsibility is to work on ourselves, create an environment for change and allow Jesus to work on them. Often we look at this in reverse: Jesus, fix my spouse and then I will be all better. It doesn’t work that way.” She goes on to say, “When you choose, and yes, it is a choice, to remove the plank from your own eye first, you create an environment for Jesus to be seen in your marriage.Your spouse is more likely to see Jesus in the transformation in your life rather than when you try to change him or her.”

Just like Jesus said, until I take care of this big, huge thing in my own life/heart I cannot clearly see to help my spouse.

Note: He said help,not just point it out. Complain about it. And say, “Hey, you should really do something about that.”

No, Christ issaying I should deal with my own stuff and then gently help my spouse. And mayI go so far as to say my actions would most likely prove much more helpful thanmy words? Geez! I’m stepping all over my own toes with this one!

And here’s a side-note about love and respect…another great book by the way… I don’t know about your husband,but one thing which will set Tim off quicker than anything else is when I critique or correct him. If I come to him lovingly and make a suggestion or bring up a topic in the proper way, he’s okay with that. But if I am constantly correcting him, interrupting him, stopping him, challenging him (which let’s face it, is definitely a sign of a lack of respect on my part), that will set him off quicker than just about anything else.

How About You?

So, as you were reading this, anything come to mind that may be keeping you from seeing clearly in your marriage?

Is it possible that beam in your eye is making you so uncomfortable that you are snapping at every little speck your spouse has? Just a thought….

I challenge you to take some time this week to get alone with the Lord, and maybe instead of praying for God to fix your spouse, how about humbly asking Him to show you anything that you may need to change? As you humble yourself before the Lord and seek Him in your marriage, even if the change needs to start with you,you will create a safe environment for real progress to begin.

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