Life in Airplane Mode – Tips for families in this crazy connected world of such relational disconnect.

I gotta tell ya, this social media stuff, gadgets always at hand, tablets that never sleep and phones ever at the ready is about to drive me insane! It irritates me when I’m trying to be with someone, and they have their face on a screen, all the while saying “umm hmmm” claiming to be listening. And it drives me crazy when I’m trying to do something “important,” and Tim and the kids accuse me of being distracted!

While I will not deny there have been many advantages to this tech phenomena over the past decade…no doubt my mom would have loved the ability to pack up our VHS for the 14 hour summer road trips or to have been able to put our size of a bread box, make your shoulder sore camcorder in her purse…I dislike what screens have done to our relationships and our nerves. Is is just me or has “social media” made us less social?

Now,  I can be just as guilty as the next person, even though I always have a very good excuse…wink wink. The fact is this constant compulsion to check phones and feeds is not healthy for our growing families. Despite the fact that we may be sitting on the floor right next to our kids half-heartedly playing a game or listening to their stories this does not mean we are actually engaging with them. Our children are not stupid! They know when we are not really plugged in and when they do not have our attention. Trust me. This can have extreme negative consequences that we will reap over the years to come.

Our children will conclude that maybe we don’t really care about what they have to say, so why should they bother to share anything? While you may not mind occasionally missing out on the latest antics of their imaginary friend or Spiderman or the gang from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, when things get tougher in their world you’re going to wish they had not developed the habit of not coming to you when they were younger.

Let me suggest a few tips that might help us in this crazy connected world of such relational disconnection:

1. The airplane mode is not only for flying! I have developed a habit myself that every evening once the kids are in bed my phone goes on airplane mode, and I am pretty much unreachable to the outside world. Anything anybody needs at that time can wait until the next day. This is my time to be with Tim, and not just as a body sitting there, but actually be there even if all we do is laugh together at the same silly reruns of Seinfeld. I’m there, and we’re connected.

2. Schedule your screen time. If you need to be sure you check your email, social media or make phone calls pick blocks of time. Find 20 minutes to focus on just that, and put it on your schedule. (The kids whining outside the door will survive your short absence, but you may want to turn on some white noise.)

3. Set up a few boundaries, and communicate these boundaries. Don’t decide that you’re going to check email for 20 minutes from 9 to 9:30 each morning and expect no one to interrupt you if you have not let them know that this is your plan. If you’re off-limits when you need to be off-limits and fully engaged when you’re actually there your boundaries will be much more respected, and you will be more satisfied in your relationships.

4. Multitasking is a ridiculous myth! Don’t try to multitask! It is a ridiculous lie we tell ourselves (unless, of course we are folding laundry and catching up on HGTV) because someone will get left out, and most likely it will be those closest to you…the ones who need you the most. Scripture is clear that we cannot serve two masters (Matthew 6:24). Might we take that so far as to say you cannot engage with your family and Pinterest… though I do love my Pinterest!
Quality relationships will not come without quality time and quality focus with quality intent. When attempting to multitask you’ll never feel satisfied because you’re always jumping back-and-forth from one thing to another. You’ll never feel like you’ve actually accomplished anything, yet at the same time you’ll leave behind a string of disappointed people, half finished tasks, and tables riddled with coffee rings

So go on. I dare you! Tonight after dinner, or maybe even before, push that airplane mode button, and see if things don’t seem a little bit more peaceful, focused and genuine in your home.

Great resource alert! “Growing Up Social: Raising relational kids in a screen-driven world,” by Arlene Pellicane and Dr. Gary Chapman, best-selling author of “The 5 Love Languages.”